Small gleam of darkness

Am i playing with you?
am i acting?

I don't know love
so maybe this is how's supposed to be

Why am i so tense?
why so distressed?
why so many doubts?

This is the one thing i promised to do right
one shot to defy the expected
to be more like strangers and not like my parents

Why do i wanna run and stop and run again?
maybe i do love you but the truth is i may never know for sure
maybe i do love you but i don't know if i can do it for the rest of my life

The reasons are still there in my head and so are the emotions
i don't walk on emotions... usually
that's why i feel like i may need to stop this
are we gonna make it?
today i don't think so
will it break my heart? or yours?

I thought this was the easy happy part of everything
but you know me
why make it easy when you can overthink and overfeel and overreact and overshare
why did i ever think this part of my life would be uncomplicated and perfect?
when i'm so obviously challenged and screwed up
and forced to live with a scary mind on top of my shoulders

Space makes me evil and also solitude
but that's what i know
the darkness could've been just hiding?

I am sorry