the other side of love

Genuinly happy, i swear.

98% grateful and excited and relieved 

2% odd and new and just different

Ego.. 2% of ego.

I've been living a lot of losses 

Grieving and crying

Coming to terms with what I'm not

Just in case there is some special kind of freedom in admitting it.

There isn't. 

I keep on trying 

Trying to be pretty

To be funny

To be smart.

It's like I'm back too

Like I'm stage one again

Unlovable 

Undateable 

Insane

But I'm sure ive changed

It took me four months to make a lifelong decision and i went all in.

Im scared but also certain

Im not a wonderer anymore 

I may not marry

I may not drink

But here I will die

I will remain

Here