Hereje

This topic should be off limits
i know
but i'm tired of playing by the rules
i need a little break

The thing is, i was so funny back then
2015 was my year, i was staying up all night at college alone,
smoking other people's cigarettes just by being there,
listening to good music,
talking to a weird guy, good weird guy

Why didn't i get the guy in 2015?
i sent him arcade fire
he sent me a radiohead's album i didn't know
that's gold
i was witty and funny and fast
my brain was better..

He said we were the dream team
that we could dominate the world
i didn't get many of the hints
but the nicknames and the late night invitations to eat
and the company offers and the proposal to let me change his style...

And when the obvious marrying topic came out
he said i needed someone with his personality
to really make me talk and open up
because he knew i was INFJ prone
i told him my plan
"I wanna know everything there is to know before i get married. Informed consent."
"A real man it's gonna reserve lots of things for himself until he is married to you"
"Death be to reservations, that's for international treaties, not love"

The funny thing is we ended that talk saying
"nobody it's getting married soon"
and then God laughed.

He tried, i guess
and i never reacted
i didn't say no, i didn't say yes
i should've said yes more often
to give it a try.

I should say yes more often,
that's what the past has taught me
but it's not in my nature apparently
i'm a negative person i sense evilness
in me
in my memories
and in the things that never happened
but are written on paper

No more writing then
a punishment it's needed
let's get rid of heresy
once and for all.